I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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