I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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