the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
