Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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