apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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