Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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