so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
