Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My dick has a subreddit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
