Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
