I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
