am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
