I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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