Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
