It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
