I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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