You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
