Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
