How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
