tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
