I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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