i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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