my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
