I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
