At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
