I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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