Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
