using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
