Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
