Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
