dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
