I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
