i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
