I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize