so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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