Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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