Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
