so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
