Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My cat gives me a boner
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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