I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i drank out of a bidet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
