He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
