I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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