don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
