i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
