I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
