Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
