Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
