It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
