call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
