If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
