oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
