I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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