I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
