i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down