I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.