I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
