I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This house was built for laser tag.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness