Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!