its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?