Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels