i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
