You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
