I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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