i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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