My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
