The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
