im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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