Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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