rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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