Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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