I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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