He had one of those small greek statue penises
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
