I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
