we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
