I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
