she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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