Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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