Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
