I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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