ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
