its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
