Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
