when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
